


Attack of the Burning Man

by Grey_Bard



Category: Star Wars Prequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Human, Art with action figures, Bad Fic, Burning Man, F/M, Intentional bad fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-01
Updated: 2016-03-01
Packaged: 2018-05-24 04:17:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 711
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6141217
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Grey_Bard/pseuds/Grey_Bard
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Anakin does not want to network on the Playa, he wants to build giant flame robots. And make Padme like him!</p>
            </blockquote>





	Attack of the Burning Man

**Author's Note:**

> I know the Burning Man does not attack and neither does the fire spouting robot, but in Attack of the Clones the clones don't attack anything so it is Star Wars tradition!

“Anakin, we _are_ supposed to be networking you know,” said Obi-Wan, dusting his hands off on his climate-control, rip-stop, wrinkle-free desert pants. “I love our installation as well, but we must take the time to meet and bond with our fellow tech workers, or else JediCncl's investment in this little sojourn is utterly wasted.”

“But maaaaster,” said Obi-wan's disconcertingly tall and muscley young protegee – Buddha, Obi-Wan could remember when he was a tiny, tiny underage high school 'disadvantaged children' intern, “Why do we even _need_ to talk to people from other companies? Why can't we just buy them all and make them part of our conglomerate and force them to do what we say? For their own good, I mean.”

Obi-wan rolled his eyes, and glared down at his young friend who was elbow-deep in the fire-spouting giant robot. “You've been spending too much time with Mr. Palpatine.”

“Maybe I have! But I don't think you appreciate anything I do. I'm not a little boy anymore. I want to make bigger and more incredible flames and lasers! Bigger than anyone has ever seen! Why should I bother talking to boring old guys?” Huffed Anakin, waving a wrench at the desert playa filled with funky redesigned cars and naked dance troupes.

“Those 'boring old guys' are all of 32, Anakin,” said Obi-Wan, “I'm older than they are.”

“Exactly! They're old!”

“Fine, Anakin, clearly you need to get back into the Burning Man spirit. I will finish up the flame fuel exchanger and _you_ go out onto the Playa and meet some people. They don't need to be 32 year old tech founders or coders or anything. Just talk to someone that isn't your robot. Maybe take some drugs – but not death sticks. Have fun!”

“Fine,” said Anakin, “I'll have fun. But maybe I won't like it.”

Anakin stomped out of the JediCncl camp, across the Playa. He loved the Playa, he just wasn't too sure about the people. He had grown up in a nearby town, he knew the desert, and he had become a paid JediCncl intern when he repaired Qui-Gonn Jinn's broken mutant vehicle using some parts he welded together behind the old service station. 

He was so lost in thought that he didn't notice when he ran into a girl.

“Oops!” she giggled.

Anakin looked up. She was dressed identically to eight other girls in her performance troupe, in a long red lightweight cloak that would provide protection against the sun, but not make her hot, and a tunic and pants with bell sleeves. She was the most beautiful woman in the world! 

“Are you an angel?” he gasped.

“No, silly”, she said, “The people who are playing angels are two camps over from us and wear white and gold! I am Padme.”

“Oh Padme, you are so beautiful, may I show you my fire-spouting robot?” Anakin asked. He was very proud of his fire-spouting robot. “It has lasers!”

“Well, I guess,” said Padme, “My martial arts interpretive dance troupe, the Handmaidens of Naboo, doesn't start performing for another two hours. That could be fun.”

“I _**love**_ martial arts!” said Anakin. “I know Soresu and Ataru and Chiyo and Windu keeps trying to teach me Vaapad because he says it will be good for my temper but I don't know what he's talking about because I don't have a temper.”

So they walked back across the playa to the JediCncl's camp. There were a lot of laser installations, and also a tall black robot with a big black helmet. It shot fire.

“I think it would be better with a cape,” Padme said. “A big black cape. We have a lot of fabric back in the Handmaidens Palace tent.”

“That would be wizard!” said Anakin. She was so pretty. Maybe if they made his robot a cape together she would like him.

“I'll go get it!” she said.

“Hi!” said Ahsoka, Anakin's spunky unsolicited intern. Everyone ignored her even though she was super cool.

“That was Padme Amidala. You do realise she's 34, don't you?” said Obi-Wan, coming out from inside the robot's guts. “Also, your robot is a fire-spouting robot. It will probably set the cape on fire.”

“Obi-Wan,” Anakin whined, “You don't let me have _any_ fun!”

[](http://s157.photobucket.com/user/KateFitzsimons/media/Mobile%20Uploads/image.jpeg.html)

**Author's Note:**

> I found out all about Padme's costumes at this amazing site! http://www.oocities.org/we_are_brave/Costumes.html
> 
> I completely recommend the free apps MagicFire, Pic Collage and Atom Draw! I couldn't do this art without them! Don't use PicFire Fx Lite, it stinks.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Burning Man: The Robot Awakens](https://archiveofourown.org/works/6349471) by [Grey_Bard](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Grey_Bard/pseuds/Grey_Bard)




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